i hate those one-way sacrifices, i hate your scoldings, i hate your hurtful words but why do i still love you? while you're hurting me, i'm hurting others too. because their hearts are with me and mine is with you. do you even know how hard it is to fake a smile in front of my friends and even you?! i wasn't smiling from my heart. why can't you just see? i'm no longer clara! i'm not like the past anymore. i hardly smile, i hardly laugh, i hardly play around like what i used to. because of you, my life changed totally! many agreed. why am i changing so much because of you? because i hope to be perfect. it's okay if i'm not perfect enough but why can't you see the things i've done? all the small little things. i just want you to smile. i'm tired, really really really tired. i'm not some kind of superwoman who has unlimited energy to carry on. i've never felt so tired, i've never felt so miserable and i've never felt so pain. everytime i can't see you, i hope that i'll dream of you. everytime i can't hear your voice, i stand by the phone, hoping that you'll call or drop a message. i don't want false hopes. just go away if you don't love me. i don't want to cry all night. let me be selfish for once, let me go before you. at least you won't feel the pain as much as i do. i'm leaving soon.